Reader, "What do you want?" In The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier (aka MBS) suggests this simple question "lies at the very heart of adult-to-adult relationships." Yet it's one we rarely ask or answer truthfully: Even if you do know what you want, what you really really want, it's often hard to ask for it. We make up reasons about why it's not appropriate just now to make the request; it's because the timing's not right, or the person's only going to say No, or Who are you anyway to...
4 days ago • 4 min read
Reader, What are you wearing right now? I'll start. As I write the first draft of this email, I'm wearing: A Jimmy Eat World t-shirt, black, emblazoned with an orange outline of the cover of Surviving A pair of green athletic shorts from Target that sport zipper pockets A pair of dark blue Kanes with deliberately splotched soles This outfit is mostly of my design. (If I had my druthers, the Kanes would be more colorful.) It captures my casual spirit. It declares my fandom for a band that many...
18 days ago • 2 min read
Reader, In a past life, I worked as an estimator for a painting company. Our focus was repainting large multi-family properties—townhouse complexes, apartment buildings, and hi-rises. As an estimator, a big part of my job was traveling to those properties and assessing what would be required to deliver a successful repainting project. It wasn't just a quantity survey, though. Yes, I was responsible to measure up the buildings, primarily to ensure we allowed for enough paint. However, the...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
Reader, Every few months, I lead a pair of workshops in an old mobile building with rackety air conditioning and thin walls. It sits on the campus of a local ministry that helps men re-enter society after a stint in prison. (Multiple stints for many.) For ninety minutes, we gather around plastic folding tables arranged in a broad circle. The men aren't showing up to improve their writing. They're showing up to do some expressive writing. I doubt any of these men knew these workshops were part...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Reader, It's summertime. Or at least it feels like summer here in Middle Tennessee. The kids are out of school, road trips are just around the corner, and turning my attention to my neglected website. If that doesn't scream "summertime," I don't know what does. One of my summer goals is to spruce up and redecorate my website. Specifically, I want to add some helpful resources. The kind of things that benefit writers like you as you tackle your projects. So, would you mind filling out this...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Reader, There are two ways to be a perfectionist. One is entirely focused on what other people think. This is understandable if you consider how we typically define the word "perfect." We think it means to be error-free. To be tpyo-free. To connect all the right dots in the right order. To stay inside the lines when we color. To win the argument unanimously, in a way that compels everyone to beam big smiles and declare, "You are absolutely right!" This is what the experts call "maladaptive...
2 months ago • 2 min read
Reader, Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of being on the annual Paths to Publishing panel, co-hosted by the Arts & Business Council of Greater Nashville and The Porch at Parnassus Books. (Yes, that's a lot of links, but they all deserve it.) The event was fantastic. It's always fun to be with other people who passionately love reading and writing. Also, for those who don't know, the publishing community in Nashville is an incredibly welcoming space. The folks who move in this space...
4 months ago • 2 min read
Dear Reader, The diving board was a lot higher than it had looked from below. Tiptoeing towards the edge of the platform, I gripped the guardrail and peered over. Yep. It was pretty high, alright. I wanted to turn around and skedaddle down the ladder. But I couldn't. My best friend Ken stood below, off to the side, refusing to take his eyes off me. "You promised!" Shivering, I stepped on to the board and made my way to the end. Most people would feel the board dip at this point, but I wasn't...
4 months ago • 3 min read
Reader, The act of writing is "at once absurd and a means of understanding everyday human experience." None of you will take issue with the second claim. We writers are a serious bunch, after all. When we sit down to write, we're not just scribbling. We're trying to make sense of this world, of our lives, of the hairy gentleman sitting next to us in Starbucks. It's why we all love E. M. Forster's dictum: "How do I know what I think till I see what I say?" It's also why some of you were...
4 months ago • 2 min read